Farce™ Cover Magazine

Mouf Pease: When the White House Hired a Gaslight on Legs

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Mouf Pease: The Official Mouthpiece of Chaos

This is a fictional story. Any resemblance to real persons, places, or events is purely coincidental.


The appointment of Mouf Pease as White House Press Secretary was not surprising—after all, if there was one skill that the administration valued, it was the ability to lie with a straight face. And Mouf? She didn’t just lie. She did it with conviction, with flair, with the kind of confidence usually reserved for used car salesmen pushing a lemon.

“The American people deserve transparency,” she said at her first press briefing, staring directly into the cameras. “And that’s exactly what this administration will provide.”

Then…she proceeded to lie for the next forty-five minutes.


The Press Briefing From Hell

Mouf’s first official White House press briefing was, in a word, astonishing.

A reporter asked about a policy change that had been announced just hours earlier.

“Actually, that never happened,” Mouf said, smiling as if she had just erased reality.

“But it’s in the official statement the White House released.”

Mouf didn’t blink. “I think you’re misunderstanding the statement.”

“I’m… reading it directly.”

“Well, that’s your interpretation.”

By the end of the briefing, reporters weren’t sure if they had walked into a press conference or a gaslighting seminar.


The Art of Deflection

Mouf quickly mastered the art of answering nothing while talking a lot.

When asked about rising unemployment numbers, she beamed. “What’s important to remember is that more people are entering the workforce than ever before. That’s what opportunity looks like!”

“But more people are unemployed.”

“That’s your opinion.”

On a particularly bad day for the administration, Mouf tried a new tactic: outright distraction.

“Before we continue, I just want to take a moment to appreciate the bravery of our great American bald eagle,” she said randomly, ignoring the pile of scandals reporters were trying to ask about. “This majestic bird represents freedom, and I think we should all take a moment to reflect on that.”


The Lies That Weren’t Even Good

Some lies were at least artful, requiring mental gymnastics to dispute. But not Mouf’s. Hers were so blatant, so obvious, that even a toddler would have furrowed their brow in confusion.

  • Lie: “The president’s approval rating has never been higher.”
  • Reality: His approval rating was circling the drain like bathwater after a toddler threw spaghetti in it.
  • Lie: “This administration is committed to unity.”
  • Reality: The country was about as unified as a divorced couple arguing over who gets the dog.
  • Lie: “President Thorne has read every page of the budget proposal.”
  • Reality: The man famously doesn’t read. Anything. He thinks reading is for suckers.

The Meltdown Moment

Despite her ability to lie with confidence, even Mouf had her breaking point.

One day, after being questioned about an obvious contradiction in policy, she cracked. “Why are you all so obsessed with facts?” she snapped at the press corps. “Maybe you should try vibes for once.”

That was the day she truly cemented herself as a legend.


Mouf Pease’s tenure as White House Press Secretary will go down in history as a masterclass in deception, gaslighting, and answering questions without actually answering them and she’s only 4 to 5 days in. While her party has praised her as “tough” and “direct,” the rest of the country has been left wondering whether they have been watching a government official or a performance artist specializing in verbal acrobatics.

Lesson to be learned: If you say a lie with enough confidence, some people (MAGA) will believe it. But at the end of the day, no amount of spin can turn nonsense into truth—no matter how many times you repeat it.

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